There Jul 04, 2007

There beneath the frangipani tree
Her body sits in quiet contemplation
Scattered around white petal frangipanis
With their rich yolk yellow centers
And their sweet decaying scent
That intoxicates
There she is devoid of tears
Having cried till she felt blinded
All words have been erased
She has none left to emote
The typhoon raging inside
Shall also pass
There beyond yonder horizon
Sits he the oppressing tormentor
Regaling admiring listeners
Of conquests and trails of broken hearts
Belittling the love those women
Showered upon him
There now lays her lifeless cadaver
A disturbing presence amongst the tranquil trees
Undiscovered she decomposes into the earth
Flesh falls off the bones casting unbearable stench
Mixed with damp soil and rotting flora
There she remains in silent anonymity

Marriage Remarriage

Part 1

Is there a man
His heart so big
Who might wish
To make me his
And partake of the love
From three ladies hearts

Part 2

If bigamy is a crime
I should spend my time
Chasing more than I can care for
In hope that I might find four
And turn things right
Tie knots more tight
Happy me with polygamy
Out with dated monogamy

Second Chances Jun 28, 2007

He packed his bags and he walked out to waiting her
Never looking back not even once
To see the tears that fell in place of shattered dreams

Three months of silence passed
He rang to say he was coming home
‘Give me a second chance to prove my love for you’ said he

She stood holding the receiver willing self to believe
Still hoping reason would prevail upon his heart and mind
All cards she laid clearly before him for second chances come but once

When he walked into her arms, her heart broke yet again
For the insincerity of his displays of affection
Sliced through her still bleeding heart

When he walked out with vague promises to be home soon
Her thoughts were with her heart in unison they bid their final farewells
For she knew he left her yet again and returned to her waiting there.

Memories Captive May 24, 2007

I stare at the date on the calendar and it stares back at me

Goading me to ignore its significance

But I am weak and I succumb to the memories

Lurking there on the fringes of my mind

Was it not later in that evening sometime ago?

You held me in your arms as we stood in silence

Basking still from the sweetness of our first kiss

That left us breathless and stole my heart

In the sky the moon played hide and seek with the clouds

Down below I held you closer, not wanting to lose my moonbeam

You called me Jaanu, you called me Patni, and you called me Soni

You, in Hindi, sang to me and wrote me poetry

In each other’s arms, skin on skin matching heartbeats

You took me on a journey of our future as man and wife

Bit by bit you tore down my walls of caution

You had me there completely soul bared and vulnerable

Why then did a side of you rear its ugly head?

Each and every strike of those same hands that once caressed I still feel

No more sweet words came forth only curses and demeaning hatred

Unwillingly I was pulled into hell once again and shattered dreams lay around my feet

As those images and memories form in my head

My eyes grow misty, blurred with hot uninvited tears

The pain is as intense now as it was then, the wound is still raw

So much time has since passed Jaan

Yet I am still held captive in my broken heart’s unresolved struggles

She Speaks To Me May 24, 2007

She speaks to me
Lost is the innocence of one such as her
For her eyes have seen everything
Her heart has hurt along with mine
Every time I have fallen she has fallen along side with me
Each time I have picked up the pieces, her small hands help me
I draw from her strength and courage
She speaks to me
Alone in the nights when sleep escapes my eyes
I hear her soothing voice encouraging
Reminding me of goals we set out to achieve so many years ago
Gently egging me on, challenging me to chase rainbows
None can claim or challenge the fact
Her knowledge of me is complete and infallible
Unbeknown to the world
Ashka my conscience
She speaks to me

Wounds May 24, 2007

I sit here at my keyboard

Making sense of the words flashing on my screen

Reflecting a time before I’d seen that very phrase

And how merely forming it in my mind it shook my existence

Now he calls me Jaan, and I halt in mid thought

Knots form in my stomach, my palms become all clammy

How do I react without irony or cynicism creeping into my response?

Answers fail me as I try to distract his train of thought while evaluating my emotions

Nevertheless, unknowing unsuspecting blameless, he has reopened healing wounds

The Test May 22, 2007

Limbs entwined, enraptured

Heavy is the scent enamored

Short yet heavy breaths

Gasps and moans pollute the silence

Outside the ladies wait

Chewing betel leaves lips all red

They gaze into the crackling fire

Eager for dusk end and rising dawn

The first cracks of dawn

Stain bright the starless sky

The rooster crows with puffed out chest in pride

Slow stirrings as the world awakens

The ladies wait in hushed silence

Their eyes still averted from the hut behind

Dull ambers crackle and spit last flames

And smoke makes misty sleepy eyes

A dim shadow cast, ever so light

The man walks away in triumphant silence

They wait still now on their haunches

Like hungry jackals, tensed some their long sleepless night

Falling over each other they pick themselves up

And hurry into the object of their night’s fascination

Stillness and silence mixed with that heady scent

Permeates heavy the air, as their vision accustoms

There she lies in a crumpled mess hair all disarray

Crushed glass bangles and smudged sindoor

Yet coyly smiling at the faces

Who stare in suppressed elation

She holds in her hand her prized possession

Stained sheets from a nights exertion

The ladies cry out and beat their chests

Anxiety gives way to joy,

The girl has passed the test

I Heard Them Cry May 23, 2007

I heard them cry

But still I moved not

For I felt such a weight on my self

Inflicting immobility upon my being

I wished I could die and escape what lay ahead

I hear their cry

And still I ignored their innocent tears

The pain was ceaseless and numbing

Visions kept playing before me

Results of succumbing to defeat and humiliation

I heard nothing for a brief moment

Before ear shattering wails erupted

Their nightmares are over once they awaken

Mine remain faithful at my side

In waking hours all through troubled sleep

At last I move toward their side

And hum old lullabies patting them back to slumber

Whispering I am here and I love you

Their relaxed gentle breathing reassures me

I am needed here my work is not done

My previous melancholic contemplations

Are forced to take a backseat

I am reminded to view the platter before me

Nudged into making decisions and taking direction

Unresolved matters still require my attention … and so I stay