with thoughts preoccupied
I stared blankly outside
my 12th floor window
not really aware
how the sun and clouds
made merry pictures
against less than blue skies
the occasional irate driver
blasting his horn
indignant at this cumbersome halt
hardly broke into
the meandering motions of my brain
straight ahead in line with with my gaze
is a white wall of the building opposite
interspersed with blue metal lattice
hiding ugly knick knacks of long
occupied office premises
for a better view
I crane my neck forward and look right
and there before me the artificial greens
peppered with noon time golfers
as sunlight glints off the ripples in the pond
out of the corner of my eye
I catch a distracting motion
and with some deliberation
I look left
there behold on the outer sill
a feathered creature
dirty brown
with a tuft of yellow upon its chest
what piercing disdain
from those ruby red eyes
I am not convinced
that this winged creature
acknowledged my uninvited stare
as it tried to inconspicuously preen
hopping to some trance like tune
then there it was
right before me
separated by glass
rudely holding each others' gaze
almost a stand off
we each
refused to look away
and as if in disgusted dismissal
it gave me one last up down
chest puffed out
spread its wings
took flight
following the wind
such arrogance
such freedom
it made me for a moment
wish
I too could spread my wings
and fly
I stared blankly outside
my 12th floor window
not really aware
how the sun and clouds
made merry pictures
against less than blue skies
the occasional irate driver
blasting his horn
indignant at this cumbersome halt
hardly broke into
the meandering motions of my brain
straight ahead in line with with my gaze
is a white wall of the building opposite
interspersed with blue metal lattice
hiding ugly knick knacks of long
occupied office premises
for a better view
I crane my neck forward and look right
and there before me the artificial greens
peppered with noon time golfers
as sunlight glints off the ripples in the pond
out of the corner of my eye
I catch a distracting motion
and with some deliberation
I look left
there behold on the outer sill
a feathered creature
dirty brown
with a tuft of yellow upon its chest
what piercing disdain
from those ruby red eyes
I am not convinced
that this winged creature
acknowledged my uninvited stare
as it tried to inconspicuously preen
hopping to some trance like tune
then there it was
right before me
separated by glass
rudely holding each others' gaze
almost a stand off
we each
refused to look away
and as if in disgusted dismissal
it gave me one last up down
chest puffed out
spread its wings
took flight
following the wind
such arrogance
such freedom
it made me for a moment
wish
I too could spread my wings
and fly
6 comments:
want a personal opinion(and just that) on this?
M.
sure - taking feedback is what this is about.
k! here i go and try not to kick me!(well you're too far anyway!.. haha)
1. why not..
preoccupied thought staring blankly..
2. not really aware!..
why not try unaware!
3. blasting his horn... get away from cliches girl!
4.office premises...what the fuck? no one gives a toss!
5. the corner of my eye...again another cliche!
6. stay away from: I, my etc. it's understood! it's not a story but a poem!
7. Absolutely brilliant ending!
8. You have no idea how much talent you have in writing! Just keep writing!...
9. And am waiting for my copy of your first publication!
10. these are just my personal opinions so take it with a pinch of salt! ...no intention to change your style!
11. what matters is that you can express your opinions in an amazing and beautiful way in words and am looking forward to getting a free copy of your published work!
12. (made merry pictures
against less than blue skies)
....amazing!
13.(rudely holding each others' glaze)...amazing!
14. you keep writing girl..and I'm surely enjoying your ideas and work!
15. Please don't take what i said the wrong way...it's only my opinions and to take care.
16> A Smiley face...:-)
dear M ... shall I go from 16 backwards then :))
by the way 16th is my birthdate :)) - so that was a nice touch - not like you knew ahah
and you calling me 'girl' boy???? can I be my usual anal self and nit pick?? I'm probably old enough to be your mom - oh wait? you're AD's friend right?? heehhe I have 2 girls myself *grin* hence ancient
super grinning face :D back at you.
I came home to find this mail and I have to say you made me smile :)))) *eheheh*
glad you like some bits and suggested some others - let me think about it :)
am still finding my style, but this odd rambling seems to work for me :))
am glad I got a fan already for my unpublished work :)))))
thank you for the feedback, no offense taken as I know none was meant :))
cliches are me sometimes, I like being unpredictable with my language and cliches seem to connote a simple mind no??? misleading no doubt *naughty grin*
hope you're not blinded by all this toothy grins but thanks mate, can't find a blog linked to you anywhere ... but I liked what I've read so far :))
Thanks again M
I triple that smiley
.ani
dear .ani,
a bit disorientated and struggling to understand your reply! I was just commenting on your poem and think it's really good and can be better!(whatever that means). It's just strictly the written words i care about!
Anyway adik...you take care ...and smile...:-).
M.
p/s: Why adik? 160771...kulagi tua kot! rupanya kamu kena panggilku abang! do take care..:-)
ler abang konon! mintak maaf ler ok ... kau tua sebulan ngam ngam je :)))
as for struggling and disorientated :) - I have succeeded eheheh or were you imbibed??
I know its strictly about the written word, but I do so love throwing in incoherency into my words sporadically - people are left wondering what it's all about.
I was just saying thank you for the comments, and appreciate you put that much effort into sharing your thoughts. I write on gut and instinct, and learning with every piece.
Have you read my Cyber Copulation? ahahha I had quite a few comments on that one.
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